The Mis-Education-

What You Want Might Make You Cry & What You Need Might Pass You By if You Don't Catch It
And What You Need Ironically Can Turn Out What You Want to Be if You Just Let It!

So while I was riding home the other night, I wanted something to soothe my nerves, but couldn't find any peace in my usually CD rotation of Jeezy, Kanye, and Weezy. So I reached back for my old CD case and pulled out the old Lauryn Hill CD- The Mis-Education of Lauryn Hill. I immediately skipped to my favorite song on that CD- When it hurts so bad! Lol to say the least it hit my emotions on the head. When it comes to love, I tend to get an unusual end of the stick! I won't say the short end of the stick because I am not sure its the short end...in fact I don't know what end of the stick you would call it. I do know that as a young black woman--it is all to frustrating to try and meet young men who are down to earth, thoughtful, and compassionate people. Perhaps this is not the experience of all young black women, but for my immediate circle of friends it is the case. Anyway--often when you meet intelligent young black men..those with the 4 year degree, and perhaps even enrolled in graduate school, they feel they deserve it all and they expect you to put up with it all. They have a perception that they are the cream of the crop- which they may very well be- but being the cream of the crop doesn't make it okay for you to treat people like the bottom does it? I don't think so...This got me thinking about black women and black men in regards to love and relationships. You know I watched the special on CNN about black America last month, and couldn't help but be a bit annoyed by what they had to say about black women. So yes over the years statistically speaking we are going to college in high numbers, we are more likely to have children before marriage, we are more likely to develop serious health issues ( yikes particularly HIV according to that special) we are over worked, over-stressed, over-weight, and over-determined as well by popular point of view, and too used to doing it all ourselves! Well this wasn't exactly encouraging to the gender or race, but the sad truth(thought its not all sad is it). We are going to college in high numbers- so what are we supposed to stop? No--lets have more black males join us! We are more likely to have children before marriage, but we don't make babies on our own. Granite its a 2 way street and the woman is responsible on her part, but still she didn't make it alone! We are more likely to develop health issues- is health care truly accesible and better yet as a culture do we emphasize healthy living? Over-worked- do we have a choice not to be? Over-stressed- what do you expect, we deal with it the best way we can. Over-determined- ya dang right! As for doing it all ourselves- so what should we wait for somebody to do it for us? Don't get me wrong all black single women are different. Some may be a little stuck on themselves, but not all of us! A lot of us are just trying to figure out how to make it! According to that special close to 40% of black women over 35 (I believe they reported) aren't married where as only well under 20% of white women are still single at that age. Of course they went on to say this was mostly due to the fact that a hefty portion of the black male population is in jail or financialy unstable or don't have a desire to be married. Then there is growing population of homosexuals as well as bi-sexual black males. I MEAN REALLY- what is a black woman to do? I won't even get on the reported number of black men that openly admit to cheating in relationships because they feel that there are more than enough women who are willing to be the other woman..yes willing to be the other woman (which is NEVER really any fun, not matter how many gifts or sweet nothings he tells you)! I can't buy that we should dull ourselves down just to find a dedicated brother. But obviously the current practices aren't working all that well either. Again a true optimist- I believe true love exists- I guess you just gotta know the fine line between mr. right for you and mr. right now & mr. right according to what society wants you to think ;)

Play the Cards You're Dealt

In no way am I not appreciative for every single blessing that I have in my life! I am and now more than ever I realize how much of a blessing it is that I have made it this far. I truly know there are times in my past that I only got through by the love of GOD! It is however frustrating at times because it seems like I just can't win! It's something like this- Before I go out the door in the morning I am usually happy about what I have on, until I get out and start looking at what I the world says I should look like in order to be the social perspective of beautiful. I usually like my hair when I am looking in the mirror...YES a Black Woman who can like her hair...that is until I get out and look at magazines, billboards, and turn on the tv and see EVERYONE with long bouncing hair that sways back an forth with the slightest breeze...yeah mine doesn't quiet move so freely all the time...lol Ultimately at home I feel content, I feel beautiful, I feel happy being me. But then I hit the big bad world- and there I feel the pressures of the world telling me that I shouldn't be single, I should be skinny, I need long hair, I need a perfect smile, and I need perfect skin, I need the hottest clothing, I need to be an extrovert at all times... and double unfortunately if I ever plan on not being single I better get some of the above characteristics on the double. I am not sure exactly who decides what the roles in society will be but I do know that its definitely not always fair---which brings me to my thoughts earlier today about $$! I felt absolutely horrible because my sister wanted me to take her on a trip-- I can't because not only can I not get off work, but I don't have enough money to go! I couldn't help but be frustrated because I knew she really wanted to go, and she is my heart, so to not be able to take her felt horrible! I look at some things in my family and wish I could be more of a help than I am, but right now I just can't...ultimately I wish life could be a little easier, especially when it seems like I do nothing but work so hard for it to be better...I don't know its like I'm reaching and reaching for happiness but I can't ever totally catch it. I keep getting tid bits, but not the whole thing...maybe its coming and its actually closer in reach than I think...lol a true optimist at heart can't think otherwise!