Play the Cards You're Dealt

In no way am I not appreciative for every single blessing that I have in my life! I am and now more than ever I realize how much of a blessing it is that I have made it this far. I truly know there are times in my past that I only got through by the love of GOD! It is however frustrating at times because it seems like I just can't win! It's something like this- Before I go out the door in the morning I am usually happy about what I have on, until I get out and start looking at what I the world says I should look like in order to be the social perspective of beautiful. I usually like my hair when I am looking in the mirror...YES a Black Woman who can like her hair...that is until I get out and look at magazines, billboards, and turn on the tv and see EVERYONE with long bouncing hair that sways back an forth with the slightest breeze...yeah mine doesn't quiet move so freely all the time...lol Ultimately at home I feel content, I feel beautiful, I feel happy being me. But then I hit the big bad world- and there I feel the pressures of the world telling me that I shouldn't be single, I should be skinny, I need long hair, I need a perfect smile, and I need perfect skin, I need the hottest clothing, I need to be an extrovert at all times... and double unfortunately if I ever plan on not being single I better get some of the above characteristics on the double. I am not sure exactly who decides what the roles in society will be but I do know that its definitely not always fair---which brings me to my thoughts earlier today about $$! I felt absolutely horrible because my sister wanted me to take her on a trip-- I can't because not only can I not get off work, but I don't have enough money to go! I couldn't help but be frustrated because I knew she really wanted to go, and she is my heart, so to not be able to take her felt horrible! I look at some things in my family and wish I could be more of a help than I am, but right now I just can't...ultimately I wish life could be a little easier, especially when it seems like I do nothing but work so hard for it to be better...I don't know its like I'm reaching and reaching for happiness but I can't ever totally catch it. I keep getting tid bits, but not the whole thing...maybe its coming and its actually closer in reach than I think...lol a true optimist at heart can't think otherwise!